|
The following are "tribute jokes" to the Smart Blondes in our world. All of the jokes below have been submitted by visitors and customers to our site.
Crazy that there are so few of them around. If you know of any, please submit them to us, so we can add to our page.
Submit your Smart Blonde Jokes to us: support@asmartblonde.com
Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Flight Attendant
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
A blonde, two brunettes, and a redhead had been best friends for their entire life, and had planned on going on a trip across the country in a hot-air balloon when they graduated. The summer after graduation, they rent a hot-air-balloon and take off from Florida. Unfortunately, they hadn't been watching the weather, and left in the middle of hurricane season. They got caught up in a storm and beaten back and forth. When the wind finally let off, the basket of the balloon was demolished, there were a few rips in the balloon itself, and the friends were left just barely holding on by the support ropes while the hot-air balloon was steadily sinking into the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. Doing some quick calculations, they found that one of them would have to let go to even out the weight to save the rest of the girls. After a long moment of silence, the blonde speaks up.
"I'll let go," she said. "All of my life I have been tormented because of my hair, being called stupid and ditsy. I can't put up with the torture anymore. I might as well let go; then people would think of me as a hero."
Her friends, all touched by her moving speech, looked at each other and started clapping. Whoops!
Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy,
"What would you like to discuss?" I don't know," says the guy, smiling, "how about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
“So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A Redhead who has told one too many dumb blonde jokes.
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He
said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running
boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went
to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered
three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.
What does he think this place is ..
an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices
of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,
headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
What do you call a brunette between two blondes???
LUCKY! (She finally gets some attention!)
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Hellloooo? It's been a year! (I told him)
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....
He didn't call back. Guess I won that stupid argument. :-)
Why do brunettes spend their weekends telling blonde jokes?
Because the blondes are out with their boyfriends.
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
Do you know the true reason for all of these blonde jokes?
Brunettes and redheads think they look smart making them all up!
Why do some men prefer brunettes or red-heads?
Because the blondes won't date them.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Why are most blonde jokes short one liners?
So the brunettes can remember them.
Do you know why brunette women are so proud of their hair?
...it matches their mustache.
Why are there so many blonde jokes?
Because the blondes are out with all the men, the brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights...
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
What does a redhead miss the most at a party ?
The Invitation !
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men - ARE MEN!
|
